Tuesday, August 10, 2004

How is my mother crazy? Let me count the ways.

So, my dad emailed me to let me know he's been reading my blog.

This is a bit disconcerting, as it made me realize that I talk about drinkin' & cussin' & other unsavory topics, and that my dad is reading that. But, he's cool like that, and that's one reason I ever let him know I had a blog in the first place.

I didn't let my mom know. Why? Because I knew, eventually, she would really piss me off or amaze me in some other way, and that I would be forced to write bitter, inflammatory, unflattering things about her in this space.

My parents divorced when I was about 18, mostly due to the fact that my dad is gay & my mom is straight. (That's a whole other post. Although, I will say that Kitty [see below] was one of the first people I told at the time. His response? "Oh my god, your dad's a big fag!")

Anyway, I think my mom's menatlly ill, so I really try not to get as angry with her as I do. She does many, many small things that add up to not giving a shit (forgets Kiernan's birthday, never, ever calls, blah, blah, blah) and doesn't really take any care of herslef or her surroundings, either. Since my parents' divorce, she's been pretty bitter, blaming my dad for any financial problem she's ever had and so on. It's hard to fault her for that, though it would be so much healthier to take personal responsibility and move on, already. She recently remarried (though this, too, is a HUGE other post involving the INS, the internet, and middle aged desperation. It may also involve Homeland Security, but some other time, please) and this has at least taken some of the focus off of my dad. But it's also created an environment where years of eccentricity and irresponsibility are finally catching up with mom.

Mom's new husband lives overseas, in a not-great economy where it's hard to earn enough money to compare with the US. My dad just sold the house where I grew up, and part of the divorce settlement was that my mother would get half the proceeds when that happened. She'd planned to use this sum to cover expenses associated with her husband (and I think some of his children?) immigrating, and with all of them moving to a more urban area where he could earn an appropriate living.

Eight years ago, when the divorce was still pretty fresh, she & my siblings rented a three bedroom place in the boondocks. As it happened, mom stopped paying rent one day. It wasn't that she was too poor - she had a good job, and though she wasn't making the big bucks, she also recieved generous child support from my dad. She just stopped paying.

This went on for over six months. She was, as you might have guessed, evicted. She found another place (a nicer, but more expensive place; not so practical)and, after a year there, moved back to New England to be close to the rest of her family. The back rent on the first place was never paid, and finally the owner put a lien on my FATHER's property. Now that it's being sold, the old debt has to be paid before she gets her half. It's kind of poetic justice, because she's been bitching for years and years about how if dad ever did the right thing and sold that place, she'd be sitting pretty. Not so much, I guess.

It's not that I hate my mother; on the contrary, I love her, and I feel really hurt when it doesn't seem like she cares about me or my son. But it makes me really mad that she blames everyone but herself for any bad thing that happens, and still expects my dad (and even her elderly parents)to pay her way. Not cool, particularly when she doesn't help out her own kids, but wants to pay for the overseas passage of virtual strangers. So, I can't help taking a certain pleasure in knowing that (to overuse another old, old cliche,) she made this bed, and she sure has to lie in it.


At 5:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hrm, were you out on the town in a place with no cell phone reception on 8/2 or somethin? cuz, not to nitpick yer raggin on mom or anythin, but I did try to call ya and just get voicemail and I talked to mom that day coincidentally and I believe she told me the same thing. So therefore mom is exonerated of guilt for birthday negligence at least once. Or something.


At 6:52 PM, Blogger Jen(nifer) said...

Katie I love you.

Besides the fact that you are an amazing person...I knew I could always relate to the mom issues...and the house issues...ok not the *big gay dad issues* cause luckily for my dad he died before killing my mom and ending up into a forced gay lifestyle in a maximum sercurity prison...ahem...but close?

Oh and hello to Papa Courtney! (Yikes, are you reading MY blog too???)

Just wanted to say I love you, and I know where you are coming from...

At 12:09 AM, Blogger Katie said...

In said email, I said, "You're reading really boring blogs. You should check out my link to All Things Jennifer. That's Jen Smith. But be forewarned - she's a republican now, & I think she's taking one too many cues from the snarky pundits."

His response?
"Jen's a Republican? Oh. My. God."
I love my big gay dad.


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