Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I'm Pissing Myself...

... reading Dan Savage. It's that funny.

When I was a kid, my next door neighbor had watched the "Nova" sex special, so she had at least a little credibility when she told us all, "To make a baby, the man has to stick his weiner in his wife's butt." We all vowed to adopt on the spot.

When I was six, I had a friend, Nathan, who suggested that we go to the back yard and hump. Being six, I had no idea what "hump" was supposed to mean. We hid in the garage. I showed him my Wonder Woman under-roos, and he flashed me his tiny, six year old erection. I was mortified and convinced that Santa Claus wasn't coming to my house that year, since I was so bad.

My parents really pussied out on the whole "sex talk" thing. There was mysterious talk of "strong urges" and "sin", but no specifics. Finally, at around nine or ten years old, I found a pop-up sex book they'd left on my bed, called "The Miracle of Life". It had 3D sperm and scary, alien looking embryos, but at least I learned that there would be no weiner-butt action required to have children. Oh, how times change.

7 Comments:

At 8:12 PM, Blogger Gladys Cortez said...

Katie--

Weeeeeeiiiiiiiirrrrddd.

From my last post: "It's almost time to go home, so I'm gonna leave that crap-a-roni to you, readers, and go read Savage Love."

Spooooooky. (And I, too, laughed til I needed to pee.)

 
At 9:16 PM, Blogger Katie said...

Yeeee-aaaah, Gladys! Dan's always got some good shit.

 
At 9:37 PM, Blogger Brooks said...

Very funny stuff. Most people laugh when I tell them that, as kids, we called it "rubbing weenies."
Brooks Blog

 
At 9:56 PM, Blogger Jen said...

Yeah, when I was in Junior High, *I* was somehow the sexually "educated" one (this has to do with my dad taking me to a sex ed class at the local Methodist Church - nothing like sex and the Methodists!). My little friends watched Dirty Dancing and thought you could get pregnant - gasp! - by kissing! I quickly debunked that little myth.

 
At 10:00 PM, Blogger Katie said...

Oh my God! Even in high school, girls would call me and ask if they were pregnant after, (excuse, me crudeness follows) swallowing after a blowjob. I, too, set them straight right quick. (Wanna know which girls, Jen? That's what email's for!)

 
At 11:40 PM, Blogger Jen(nifer) said...

No, Katie is not speaking of ME...I rubbed up against my boyfriend and that was about all.

; )

We called it *doin' it*
as in "they ate in the back of the bus doin' it"

It?
I like my so called simple life...
Can you get pregnant from a blow job?

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger SJ said...

It's funny that we all knew all this stuff at such an early age--and there wasn't a Britney Spears in sight! So much for blaming all the decline of the youth of television and music videos. Damn! ;)

 

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