Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Doggy Style Sex Toys

Ewwwwwwwwww....

Name: Katie
Occupation: Sole Proprietor, Dog Walking service

It's always a little trying the first time you open up a new client's door. Will the dog be super protective and freak out? Will a puppy have lost all control and left piss and shit all over the place? You never know.

Today was a new one.

I started walking an adorable eight month old Boston Terrier today.

I unlocked the door to find Baxter in the middle of his living room, surrounded by puppy toys and the chewed up detritus of definite un-puppy toys. There was a bottle of shoe polish leaking on to the carpet, as well as a handily demolished brush. I followed the plastic trail to the bedroom.

There, all over the floor, were Baxter's mommy and daddy's

adult people's toys.



A pair of handcuffs. A big, veiny, penis shaped dildo. In pink. Feathers. Other stuff.

'Nuff said.


I debated whether or not to pretend it had never happened. He got into it in the afternoon. Right?

But I couldn't. After all, there was shoe polish on the floor. That's noxious - no good for young puppies. The other stuff (photographs, ziploc bags, other shoe maintenance paraphanelia) probably wasn't that great for him either.

I picked it all up and put it into the basket from whence it came. I put the basket on the dining table, out of Baxter's grasp. I put the shoe polish in the sink, after rinsing and removing their dirty dishes (what am I, a cleaning service, too?)

When we came home from the walk, I left a note:

Clients,

We had a great walk! But...

Baxter got into a little bit of trouble before I arrived. I've placed the things he got into on the table, out of his reach. You'll find a bottle of shoe polish in the sink.

May I suggest that you get him some "puzzle toys" ? You know, a stuffed Kong, or one of those food cubes. They help distract lonely puppies when their regular toys become boring.

Looking forward to tomorrow's walk!

Best,
Katie


I pray they're not so mortified that they never call me again. I could use the cash.

Shit, what would you do?

25 Comments:

At 8:14 PM, Blogger ClaudBLOG said...

there nothing like the hollow feeling one gets just before opening the doof to a puppy's horror scene

 
At 10:59 PM, Blogger Jen(nifer) said...

You are perfect! Too funny...really...

What else COULD you do...and they should be rightfully mortified. Thank God for the blog so you can share these stories with us...

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger Dave said...

That story is sure to become a legend in the history of all dog-walkers, everywhere.

That's absolutely amazing- personally, I would have just shut the bedroom door, and included in my note that it might be a good idea to lock said toys up- good practice for when(and if) they have kids.

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Brooks said...

I think the word "veiny" was TMI.

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger The Ursine Calamity said...

I would have made like I never saw a thing....

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger Dayna said...

and here I was thinking you would encounter minimal job hazards. This is just too funny a story ~ oh real life is so much better then fiction! Fingers crossed that they call you again!!

 
At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, it's always a shock to find a puppy's mess... Especially when it involves a 'A big, veiny, penis shaped dildo. In pink.'

Who knew dog walking could be so eventful.


TK;
just making my rounds.

 
At 11:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bwah! I'm dying! I certainly hope they know what a Kong is and that you didn't mean to write "dong" or something ;)

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger Eden said...

Sorry. The above "dong" comment was from me ;)

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Shit, what would you do?Taken pictures for my blog, of course!

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger homercat said...

That's hilarious, I don't know what I'd do in that situation. probably the same as you.

 
At 6:02 PM, Blogger Audacity said...

This is why everyone should carry around a digital camera!

 
At 8:15 PM, Blogger Curtis said...

Did someone say give a dog a bone? (Disclaimer: Not my picture; and I don't think any animals were hurt.)

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger copygodd said...

we're having a pet sitter stop by next week while on vacation. i think i'll make things a little more dog-proof just in case.

 
At 3:09 AM, Blogger Ontario Emperor said...

The unfortunate truth is that dogs like the scent of their owners. In our case, we have to make sure that our dog doesn't get into the dirty laundry.

Personally, I think that you handled the whole affair very professionally. I hope you retained the client.

 
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