Sunday, October 31, 2004

Johnny, how we loove thee...

Anyone else catch the Seth Myers / Johnny Damon moment on SNL? That man has singlehandedly made the Sox my second favorite team (if you're reading, Johnny, yeah, my boyfriend and I are undergoing therapy in preparation for eventual MARRIAGE(!). However, if it doesn't work out, you're on my speed dial, baby cakes.)

And who else appreciates the meta approach to Ashlee - lipsynch-psychotic-hoedown-Simpson? That's some funny.

AND, who else thinks Kate Winslet is occasionally hot hot hot?

Damn... you know you're either

1) too young to leave the house, or

2) too old to do anything but watch the kid

when you're a regular Saturday Night Live fan. Oh, dear. I'm not even thirty yet, for fuck's sake! I still get carded, but the encroaching gray hairs prove it - I'm officially old now. I guess that started about eight years ago, when I became somebody's mom.

P.S. What's cuter than an eight year old who wants to be the grim reaper for Halloween? I'll tell ya. MY geeky scientific eight year old knocking on people's doors tomorrow and saying, "Trick or Treat! I am Death!" Tomorrow is the official day of "I am a slackass mom who needs to get to stitchin' on my kid's overly ambitious costume", i.e., "I was a former under-motivated costume design major." Which became, in later years, a philosophy major. Who says I can't pick the pragmatic disciplines?

P.P.S. Tonight I witnessed father-son bonding in its finest form. As I cooked dinner, Kiernan and Tim enjoyed a few cuts from Led Zeppelin's "How the West Was Won" DVD. Kiernan was a spastic asylum resident, flailing around in an attempt to emulate John Bonham. He'll either be a star or a spaz... it's too soon to tell.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Stupidest Op-Ed EVER (or, BAD PUNDIT!)

So, the New York Post tends to publish a lot of, shall we say, crap. I read it every day (hell, it's only a quarter, and I've got a long train ride to sit through) and let me tell you, I've seen a lot of shit spew out of that paper's figurative piehole.

Yesterday's champion piece of turd had to be this little ditty in the Op-Eds, The Myth of the Undecideds.

Okay, okay, let's be fair. It was a bit partisan, sure, but that's not my problem. It was well researched, filled to the brim with numbers and statistics that no Post reader would ever think to fact check. It even acknowledged that the two candidates are neck and neck, albeit giving a slight edge to G.W. Which is to be expected from a Murdoch-driven cesspool of Republican hatemongering like the Post.

MY problem is that it was all WRONG.

No, no, not factually. Just wrong in that the electoral race is being approached from a national perspective (with such speculations as [I'm paraphrasing here] "...since Bush has 49% in the polls and Kerry has 47%, and we give 1% to the Libertarians and the Greens and Lyndon LaRouche and 1% just to Nader, Bush will clearly win! And even if one of these doesn't hold, if Bush gets just 4 million more votes... which is one half a percent...") That's not a direct quote. But the general idea is the same.

Listen up, dumbass! Because of the Electoral College, your percentage horse race don't mean diddly. So, you want to speculate on exactly how many popular votes Bush will receive? May I remind you that millions and millions of those votes won't matter in the end?

Hell, if we'd listened to this guy's logic, Al Gore would be POTUS and Bush would still be some failed businessman on a ranch in Crawford, Texas.

I was thinking - what if we had the same debacle as 2000, only the other way around? We don't even have to do Florida - let's do Ohio or somewhere, just to change it up a little bit. Let's say Bush wins the popular vote. That votes are disputed in some battle ground state or another. And that, ultimately, Kerry wins that state and thus the election. Poetic justice, baby.

How many Republicans would protest the Electoral College, call the election stolen, flip the fuck out for the next four years? How good would it feel for Democrats to think of their own little slogan - better than "Sore / Loserman ", of course (we're the creative types, right?) Maybe something along the lines of "Georgie, Peorgie..." I don't know. I'll have to put my people to work on it.

Anyway, you always hear the same defense - "Without the Electoral College, politicians would ignore the small states. If we went solely on the popular vote, they'd concentrate all efforts on, say, the nine most populous states and ignore the rest of us." SO WHAT? Right now, the most populous states are shit on. Right now, New York state contributes enough taxes to support half the mid-Atlantic coastal region, but we don't get diddly. Hell, we don't even get pandered to. Nebraska gets more per capita Homeland Security funding than we do. 'Cause, you know, the terrorists are really concentrated out there. Big target, Nebraska.

Awww, fuck it all. Just go vote. Unless you're in a big state. No, no, just kidding. Voting is important. Especially when you don't know a damn thing about the issues, but you think Kerry's just a little snooty. Argh. I hate people. That's why I walk dogs for a living.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Bleh...

No Monday! No. More weekend, please. No work.

This weekend Tim & I decided we're going to a counselor. And hopefully the counselor will give us some anti-crazy juice, because we pretty crazy. The decision came in part because half the weekend (Saturday, to be exact) was spent in tearful mayhem fighting over something really, really small (um, we can't remember what it was.) The other half was spent all cuddly-like. The bad thing is, last weekend was also like that. I don't know what the deal is, other than that we're perfectly happy most of the time until, say, one of us puts the toilet paper roll on the wrong way (no, not really. I'm just joking) and then it's battle royale and we're breaking up. And then we're both sad and cuddly.

Maybe that's not so healthy?

THAT's why we're going to anonymous counselor person for the anti-crazy juice. Because neither one of us wants to pretend we're breaking up anymore - it takes too much energy. Better to be bland.

Maybe it's the stress of watching so much sports?

Friday, October 22, 2004

ALL CAPS DAY?

TONY PIERCE SAID THAT TODAY IS "ALL CAPS DAY". HMMM. WHY NOT? WHO AM I TO QUESTION THE BUSBLOG?

SO, I'M DONE WITH MY OBNOXIOUS BASEBALL STREAK. AND STILL HAPPY AS A CLAM. I AM, OF COURSE, STILL ROOTING FOR THE SOX FOR THE SERIES, BUT I'M NOT NEARLY AS EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN CRUSHING THE CARDINALS AS I WAS IN CRUSHING THE YANKS.

MY DAD'S COMING TO TOWN THIS WEEK. HE'S BEEN SURREPTITIOUSLY COMMENTING ON OLD POSTS LATELY. I REMEMBER, BACK WHEN THE BLOG FIRST STARTED, THAT PARENTAL READERSHIP KIND OF FREAKED ME OUT WHEN I WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT, UM, SHALL WE SAY, CONTROVERSIAL TOPICS. NOW, THOUGH? I'M RELATIVELY IMMUNE. WELCOME TO NYC, DAD, YOU BIG EX-MORMON GAY BADASS!

SPEAKING OF BIG GAY DADS, JOHN FROM BLURBOMAT (YOU KNOW - HEATHER'S HOT HUSBAND) POSTED A NIFTY DEFENSE OF GAY MARRIAGE TODAY. YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT, NOT ONLY FOR THE POST ITSELF, BUT ALSO FOR THE HUNDRED SOME-ODD INTRIGUING COMMENTS. GOOD TO KNOW BLOGGERS HAVE BRAINS, EVEN WHEN THEY DISAGREE.

FOR MY PART, YEAH, I SUPPORT IT. I SAY THIS KNOWING THAT RELIGIOUS FOLKS ARE OFTEN EXTREMELY PUT OFF BY SUCH AN IDEA, EVEN IF THEY HAPPEN TO BE SOME OF THE MOST TOLERANT INDIVIDUALS AROUND. THE THING IS, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE LAW. THE STATE RECOGNIZED CONTRACT IS WHAT'S AT STAKE, NOT THE FOUNDATION OF EVERY RELIGION THAT SAYS HOMOS ARE BAD. THOSE CHURCHES THAT DON'T SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGES WON'T HAVE TO PERFORM THEM - IT'S NOT AN ISSUE. THEY NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD TO. LEGAL GAY MARRIAGE WOULD SIMPLY ALLOW SAME SEX COUPLES TO GO TO THE LOCAL JUDGE AND GET HITCHED LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. HOW THE HELL IS THAT BAD? IT'S NOT AS IF SOME GAY POLICE ARE GOING TO COME AROUND AND CHASTISE YOU FOR BEING HETEROSEXUAL, OR EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN, OR RACIST... OKAY, OKAY, THE CONNECTIONS ARE NOT SO WELL ARTICULATED. BUT I CAN'T HELP COMPARING THE RUCKUS TO THAT OVER INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE BACK IN THE DAY. THERE ARE STILL FOLKS AROUND NOW (I HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING ONE AS A NEIGHBOR LAST SUMMER, SHUDDER) WHO STILL THINK EVEN THAT'S TABOO. TIMES CHANGE. GET OVER IT.

RIGHT. HAPPY ALL-CAPS DAY.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Johnny be good... oh wait! You were! Thanks, then!

Johnny Damon reaches official longhair boyfriend status with his kinda game winning grand slam!

Was that not nearly as enthusiastic as I meant it to sound? Okay, then.

OOOOWWWW!!! Muthafucka! Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Fucking Yankee bitches!

Did I mention that I actually live in the Bronx, the borough that the Yankees call home? No? Did you also note that I use proper grammar occasionally? Yes? FUCK YOU YANKEES! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Oh, and, um. Yankees fans are the ugliest, least sportsmanship fans out there. They threw their crap all over the field twice last night, delaying the game, over (properly) controversial calls. Whiney ass pussies. FUCK YOU! Do you think you're helping your team by prolonging the already-prolonged game? Why didn't you let your guys get a little rest, eh? Might've won this one... but, oh! Too late! Already lost! It's a Sox series now, kids! Why don't ya comfort yourselves with more Sox longhairs suck jokes? Fuckers. Yankees fans are bad, surly fans, ya bastards. Never mind that I'm alienating half my readers. I don't care.

Oh, and my most hated Yankee? Jorge Posada. HUGE ASSHOLE. Luckily, none of us will have to see him again for a good six months. Hurrah.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

More Love

David Ortiz, you are my new boyfriend.

A really alert reader pointed out in the comments to the last post that I live in New York, yet cheer for the Red Sox. What insane irony! Well, here's the deal:

1. I hate the Yankees. A lot of people hate the Yankees. I cheer for the Sox not because I love them, but because I hate the Yankees. This resembles my political reasoning - I vote for Kerry not because I really really love him, but because he looks soooo good next to that asshat G. W. Bush. (Oh, did you read the New York Times Magazine article? Good stuff.)

2. I hate the Yankees because I really DO like one of their other (many) longtime rivals, the Mets. Even though the Mets suck. This reveals a lot about me, no? Masochism for everyone!

3. My dear sainted Grandma (who's actually Canadian, so shouldn't she like the Blue Jays or the Expos or something?) never, ever misses a Sox game, spending every temperate evening of the Maine summer patiently knitting, cursing about George Steinbrenner, and worshipping at the alter of Johnny Damon. Just kidding about that last part. Better start hitting, longhair.

4. The other side - the "in-laws, or not"- also has some New England going on. I get brownie points for liking the Sox.

Two more, kids, two more!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Love

OhmyGodstupid resdsox don't fuck this up you fuckers dear god

4-2 do or die & martinez is about to pitch to matsui, even though he's at 104 pitches and starting to walk everybody & Jeter's mother...

fuckers

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Three Things

Yeah, three. Politics, Yankees, and the personal.

Politics


Is there anything new to say? No, really? Except that Bush is now stealing Kerry's "More of the same" line. So original, G.W. Clever, even. Not. No, seriously, having actually read the New York Times Magazine article that every left & right pundit is currently creaming over (at least until the newest bouncey debate polls come out) I can only conclude that I picked the right guy. Imagine, he was thinking seriously about terrorism strategy a decade before Bush was (not) elected! Fascinating! Perhaps he'll have a plan that actually works? Even MORE fascinating! Hell, I was voting for him anyway. This is just a better reason.

OH! I'm watching John Edwards on Nightline right now, and this leads me to wonder: Does EVERY STINKING STATE have a ruffley blue curtain for every candidate to talk in front of? I'm just sayin'.

Damn Yankees


Okay, Joe Torre. Now it's personal. You'd better let my 86 year old Grandma see a Red Sox series before she dies,because I'll be REALLY MAD if you don't. Oh, and my brother in law (well, not so much in law... Brother in Lawless?) will also be in a funk for weeks if the Sox can't do this thing. So, uh, let's get the bad pitchers out there, eh?

Aside: Today, bringing groceries home from the Key Food (red meat, if you must know...) Kiernan was joking around with me about tonight's playoff game. The joking turned into nasty-talking when he merrily chirped, "Derek Jeter sucks."

"No, honey. That's a very bad thing to say. Never say 'sucks.'

"Aside from the whole suck thing, Derek Jeter is awesome. Wouldn't you be psyched if he joined the Mets?"

"Yeah."

"So he doesn't suck, right? He's an amazing athlete."

"Yeah."

"Hate the team, not the player. HATE THE TEAM, buddy."

"Yeeesssss. Hate the Yankees. Haaaaatttteee."

Personal


Have I ever mentioned how truly excellent my man is? I came home tonight to Mr. Tim warming water on the stove, the better to soak my tired feet in. What a nice boy. Enough to forget that his mom (my "mother in lawless") laughed out loud and said "you're kidding?" when he finally, shamefully told her what I do for a living. Beeeatch. What, you thought I was a Wall Street trader by now? State College educations can only get ya so far, honey.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

I am Superman, and I Know What's Happening

Christopher Reeve - Superman, for those of you who have lived in a cave for the past two decades - died over the weekend, and that produced sadness in the hearts of the adults of Duff-Co Inc. The kid? The kid doesn't know from Superman.

Anyway, Esther expresses said sadness a lot better than I do. Perhaps that's why writing is her job.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Speaking of Boston...

Check out Being Jennifer Garret. I've been reading her for awhile, and she always has the best, most recently updated and passionate Red Sox fan commentary. Among other good things, including her roommate's pit bull.

SPORTS! Jets 16 (4-0) - Bills 14 (0-4)

Photo finish madness! Last minute game winning field goals! Yow!

Back in the day, back when the Bills lost four Superbowls in a row, I lived in Buffalo and the Bills were my hometown team. I couldn't have given a shit about football.

These days, I'm with a stereotypical male, a male who loves his Mets and his Jets and his Rangers. (He doesn't care all that much about basketball. But, given a choice, he'll cheer for the Red Sox or the Bills or the Patriots or the Sabres or the Canadiennes. He's equal opportunity. I, however, am partisan.) He's made a monster. I am Jets girl.

And I could care less that my hometown team just lost. Fuck 'em. The Jets are my football-love home town.

(Oh, did I mention that I'm hoping for a Sox - Yankees playoff? Only so the Yankees can succumb to their short sighted and horrible pitching lineup, and die in humiliation in the face of the Sox. I dig the Mets. The enemey of my enemy is my friend, and so forth. Not to mention that a Sox win would make my 86 year old New England Grandma very, very happy. Fuck you, Yankees.)

Newsy Bits

Jacques Derrida died. Way to propel all of the comp lit majors into throes of existential angst, Jacques.

Also, Jen over at Good Intentions has a clip of Dick Cheney checking out Cate Edwards' ass. Priceless.

Jackass (and a degree of blogination to boot)

Have I mentioned lately that I think Ursus is awesome? A jackass, sure, but awesome nonetheless.

We had a request for the Mary-Kate Olsen dish. Ask and ye shall receive.

It involves two sightings, actually, neither by me. One was by Ursus (see above for Ursus' awesomeness / jackass content.) Ursus' work brings him into the circles of the rich and famous and weird much more often than most normal people. The Olsens were included in that circle of rich weirdness on at least one occasion. But that's not the story I was talking about!

The real Olsen sighting that I had in mind was reported by one Tim, boyfriend (or "looovahhh", whichever you like - see Erin Go Blog - ) of the house.

Mary Kate wandered her waifish little ass into Tim's store, apparently seeking some fuel of the caffeinated variety. Only, he says she was the same size as Kiernan. Since Kiernan is an exceptionally scrawny and disproportionately tall eight year old boy, I found this disturbing. Intrepid reporter Tim also claims that she looked terrible, all wrinkly clothes and uncombed hair, generally unwashed and apparently just out of bed. Don't the Olsens have someone to go out and get them their coffee while they shower? Maybe she was just disoriented, going solo and all. It's hard to stand up straight when you only weigh 60 pounds and don't have your sister to prop you up.

I wish I were rich and famous enough that people would notice when I look terrible, instead of just thinking I'm a homeless crazy person. That might be a refreshing twist.

Oh, and speaking of sightings that I actually saw... I saw that indie actor guy (uh, would a little research on my part be helpful? Probably. Keep wishin'.) on the corner of Lexington and 77th st., outside the subway stop. I don't know this guy's name, and his roles are dubious at best, so you probably wouldn't know it, either. But, he played Simon in the movie "Henry Fool" with Parker Posey (that was so helpful, no? Oh. I'm sorry.) He also played the foot fetish pimp in the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte gets free Manolo Blahniks for allowing him to touch her feet. Yes, he's a creepy, weird looking little guy. But much less so on a street corner in a nice suit in real life.

Update: Yes, I felt guilty and actually looked up this guy's name. James Urbaniak was my celebrty sighting of the week. He played Robert Crumb in "American Splendor" (which was actaully a cool little film - I enjoyed it, anyway) and also appeared in "Confessions of A Dangerous Mind" and "Legally Blonde 2". Also, like all good New York City actors, he's portrayed the bad guy in episodes of both "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" and "Law & Order: Criminal Intent". Thank me with cash.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Long Awaited Update Post (I just knew you were glued to your monitors!)

Phew! Loong week. I still be alive, just busy busy busy. Which is good. That means money money money.

(One of my clients is a doctoral candidate in psychology. She wrote me a very nice email expressing concern over my stress level. It was so kind - yet, disturbing).

So, I haven't had so much time to post. Also, I was sick earlier in the week (did you note the "stuffed up" mood? That unkymood ain't kidding, sister) so every spare moment was spent lying prone on the couch feeling sorry for myself and cajoling the men in my household (Max included) to rub my poor tired feet and cuddle.

Now, though, I'm BETTER! I'm BACK! And I've GOT back! Whooo!

So, uh, so many things... whaddya want to hear?

1. More celebrity sitings - though, be forewarned, these mostly involve the fact that Mary-Kate Olsen is the same size and build as Kiernan -

2. Dog stories (mostly the status of gay Thurston Howell's refrigerator. And it's booze and tobacco content. And his general weirdness. Oh, and how his dog gives me occasion to explore Central Park, which is kind of cool...)

3. More dog stories, or "The freaks I meet in Pelham Bay Park" and how there was just a murder there, and then they found out there were teenage white supremacist cross burnings in the SAME GROVE WHERE I WALK ONE OF THE CLIENT DOGS, NOT TO MENTION MY OWN!

Oh, oh, and how I have a sex life again? That's a great story, but I'm not telling you that. You need to go to one of those titillating blogs for that.

And the debate - yeah, I watched it, but no comment. It's a VP debate. Soooo irrelevant. As John Stewart put it, kind of Death Star General vs. Student Council President (though, honestly, I thought it was a draw, but more because of the "expectations game" than anything else - don't you love politico-journo jargon?)

And how I'm watching the other debate tonight, which promises to be much more fun... and mama's buyin' some booze for that one, let me tell ya! (Which may or may not result in a second informal Pelham Bay Bronx poll. Call it "Pulse of the Borough").

Oh, and how I need to get up and shower RIGHT NOW and go to work, but I'm procrastinating. And how I'm pretty sure I walk about 15 miles a day (I could have finished the Appalachian Trail by now! Christ!) but I need to make sure with a pedometer, and how I have a blood blister on my heel (not pretty) but I start new health insurance Monday (yay, Tim!) and also how my day ends early today and I get to have actual LUNCH! In a RESTAURANT, not a subway car! With another adult, not an eight year old! Dear Lord! There might even be pints of beer involved! (That's why male friends are just cooler than female friends. They like pints of beer, not cosmopolitans. More cost-effective and less sugar-hangover inducing.)

Monday, October 04, 2004

Thick Skin

I guess I'll know that I have finally arrived in New York when I can cross a street and pass a man on the corner muttering "Bitch! Watch your ass!" and not wonder whether he meant me. And not care.

He didn't look crazy.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Memeememe Me me!

Man, so much ME! Me me me! Courtesy of Great Googly Moogly
. Bold means - yeah, I did that thing. Un bold means - no, I di'in't

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula. (High School ex-boyfriend worked at a pet store. Until it burned down because of all of his stoner friends. Oh, and the stoner owner.)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree (of course, I wasn't quite my natural, sane, hallucinogen free self, but...)
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper (or 12,000)
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (I guess it depends what "worst possible moment" entails. But yeah, a bunch of them.)
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse (even if it was only $1)
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar.
40. Seen a total eclipse. (Through one of those fourth grade cardboard "save your eyes" thingies...)
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (maybe now?)
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records (and CD's and tapes and and and...)
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it.
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest (First grade. The "Letter People" parade. Remember the Letter People? I was Mr. K. I rocked.)
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check (I didn't mean to! But alas, more than once...)
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over to be with the one you love (Hello, NYC!)
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery (I don't know what counts as major, but I've been under general anesthesia)
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime (Ummm... I'm not sure how healthy ANY of my relationships have been, but what the hell.)
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read.
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair (Red. Purple. Blue. Black. Red as in redhead red. Recently, brown to hide gray. Lots of premature grey. Gave up. Now have natural gray & black hair.)
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested (You didn't know that, did ya?)


Okay, okay. Some I wasn't sure. Some I've done similar things. I.e., #134: I've never walked the Golden Gate Bridge. I've walked the Brooklyn Bridge, though. And #159 - I've never had sex in a moving train. But I've done a lot of other stuff in a moving car. And #94 - I have no way of knowing whether I've made anyone dizzy just by kissing them. I guess if anyone who's ever kissed me ever finds this site, you could clear that up. But that doesn't seem like a good thing. Maybe more of a halitosis thing.

Friday, October 01, 2004

I didn't take notes this time...

But, uh? This particular flub? This was downright Freudian. Yeowh.

"Of course we‘re after Saddam Hussein—I mean bin Laden."

Yeah, Bush. Priceless.