Saturday, December 04, 2004

Who da man? I da man.

I'm leaving my life of dog walking leisure.

I'm leaving to become THE MAN.

No, you perverts, I'm not pre-op. Not the literal kind of man, but the figurative, "hey, man, stop keeping me down already!" kind of man.

I'm going to be issued a badge and a shield and a free metro card - did you hear me say free metrocard??!! - and going to have a fabulous health plan, not to mention able to retire with full pay in 20 years. (That's what, 50? Okay. I can stop working at 50. That would be fine.) And overtime, which means lots of overtime pay, because of Union backing that says, hey, buddy, it's past eight hours? Yer getting time and a half. Have a nice day.

And no, no, I'm not going to be a cop (though, can't you just picture me in the funny little hat and the giant utility belt and the kung fu moves, taking out bad guys? That would be fun.)

New York City wants me to come and investigate fraud. I'm on the Fraud Squad.

New York City also made me sign a bunch of confidentiality agreements, so if I want to avoid being dooced, I probably shouldn't say too much about the whole thing. Anyway, this is the deal: Back before I started this blog, I was unemployed for a long time, and I took a few civil service tests just for shits and giggles. This week, they mailed a few notices out of the blue, saying "Come over here! We want you!" and "No, no, we're totally cooler than they are! Come over HERE!" and, ultimately, "No, NO! We're cooler but we're also going to wave a lot more money at you! You know you want us!" and there I went, to a big conference room in the financial district where 150 other people were also vying for NYC's affections, and they picked 50 of us, and hey, guess what? I was one of the 50.

I go to school for six months (paid, with benefits). Then I start visiting and surveilling unsavory characters who do things like cheat welfare and jump child support payments. And that's kind of cool, especially since it appeals to both my liberal (people need welfare! feed small children!) and conservative (cheaters suck! you're ruining it for everyone, jackass!) mentalities. Oh, and my unhealthy Law & Order Obsession. The Fraud Squad definitley appeals to that, too.

More later. I start December 27th. Meanwhile, I'll be right here, polishing my badge and shield and practicing my kung fu moves.

OH - speaking of cops, read Laid Off Dad's thing about Bernard Kerik. It's funny.

And did I mention (Six Degrees of Blogination fans, take note) that Tim once sold Bernard Kerik and his son high end running shoes when he worked at Super Runners? (For non-New York residents, Super Runners is a local chain started by the guy who won the first Boston marathon. Tim worked there. He also sold shoes to Flavah Flav (sp?).) There were lots of suited bodyguards involved. They had to scope out the store before the sales guys could start their spiels on pronation and supination. I guess it just goes to show that there's something to be said for being lost in the wilderness of specialized retail in New York - you get to meet a lot of interesting people.

11 Comments:

At 10:36 PM, Blogger ~jagyd~ said...

Fraud Squad is just FUN to say. :) Congrats!

~jagyd~

http://www.jagyd.com

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger Me said...

Katie that is fantastic! Congratulations!

 
At 12:47 AM, Blogger Ontario Emperor said...

Congratulations. Fraud Squad sounds like it could be dangerous, but then again dog walking is dangerous also. CHEATERS BEWARE! KATIE'S ON THE CASE!

 
At 1:14 AM, Blogger The Ursine Calamity said...

HOLY CRAP!!!That's awesome...

 
At 2:04 AM, Blogger Grandpere said...

Fantastic, Katie! Congrats! Be careful out there.

 
At 6:25 PM, Blogger jenny said...

Congratulations on the new job! I hope you get to dress like one of the Men in Black!

 
At 9:09 AM, Blogger Erinna said...

Congrats, Katie! Awesome news. :)

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Esther Kustanowitz said...

Badge and shield? Yup, you've reactivated my own unhealthy L&O obsession.

But I need to say that Fraud Squad, to me, wants to be Fraud Sqaud, Fruad Squad, or Frad Squad (if we're just going on sheer phonetics).

But obsessions like this one are why I have no friends.

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger Gladys Cortez said...

But where will we go to get our Dildo Dog updates???

Seriously, this kinda makes me wanna go take the civil service exams. But with my luck, I'd end up on the Paper-Pushing Nerd Squad, or something equally lame. YOU, on the other hand, have an exceedingly cool job.Congrats!!!

 
At 6:37 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Hey, Katie. Congrats on the Fraud Squad. If they have a NYC South division (like south in the Carolinas), give me a buzz.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Hey Katie, that's great! Man, I can't wait until I can keep the people down some day.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home