Friday, January 28, 2005

I got it, I got it, I got it(!)... and went out for pitchers of Sam Adam's with the boys. My boys? Yeah, they got it too. Good for them and me.

Let's get this straight. I'm a boy's girl. I like hanging out with guys who discuss football and critique women. Because they're less judgemental and catty and BAD than most women I've met. Don't get me wrong -- I get along just fine with other women-who-like-men. Women who are happy to be one of the boys. I'm that girl. That said, I got the division I wanted, which makes me happy. And so did my boys ( like I told them -- "my man is at home, but my boys? My boys are right here!" Um, let me add that "right here" was a horribly overpriced West Village bar, but that we were able to get 2 pitchers of Sammy for $15 bucks at a time. And that at least one of my "boys" is 20 years older than me -- but he's SMOOTH, yo. Life is good on the ol' fraud squad.)

Eden's little quizzle might sort things out for those of ya'll who might still be confused.

Wackiness: 38/100
Rationality: 40/100
Constructiveness: 38/100
Leadership: 66/100

You are a SEDL--Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a Dictator.

You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel have responsibility for everyone's welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.

You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.

Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.

You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Finger Crossing

Tomorrow is IT! The DAY!

Tomorrow my training is over -- that's right, o-vah -- and I'm really really psyched up to get my assignment, which I really really hope is one thing as opposed to this other thing and, well... just keep your fingers crossed for me, okay?

And now, training homework and takeout food (the ever healthful sausage and pepper heros form the place around the corner. New Year's resolutions? What New Year's resolutions?). And the lovely, lovely so-escapist-I-forget-that-my-brain-hurts Apprentice. Thank you, Donald.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I Heart My Borough

A Bronx Cheer
Mitch Keller, New York Times, Sunday 1/23/05

(Follow link for full article)

Let's face it: The Bronx, though many of us love it and are happy to live in it, though it has a greatness and even a grandeur evident to all but the unseeing, is Nowheresville to those who care about address and appearances. There is not an arriviste alive who aspires to have "Bronx, N.Y." as an official address. The folks back home in Harrisburg would not be impressed.

The Bronx is, in fact, a place that many thousands of people have aspired only to escape. It shows up in the "humble beginnings" part of the American success story, never in the "glorious arrival" part (baseball excluded). What is an essential fact that celebrity fandom knows about people like Ralph Lauren, J. Lo and Colin Powell? Sure, they started in the Bronx, but they made it out...

I'm a 10463 Riverdalian, but when people ask me where I live, I say the Bronx. Why would I want to conceal my association with a place that has the Grand Concourse, City Island, the botanical garden, the world's most famous zoo, Fordham University, the real Little Italy, Yankee Stadium and more park space than any other borough?

When I have time to kill, what am I supposed to do? Ogle the opulence on upper Independence Avenue? I'd rather take the bus to Arthur Avenue and ogle the olive oils and cheeses. You can buy an excellent cigar in the market there that they make right in front of you. Or maybe I'll stroll down to 231st Street and Broadway in Kingsbridge for a pastrami sandwich or a slice...

OCCASIONALLY, in conversation with New Yorkers who know the city well and to avoid sounding disingenuous, I do say I live in Riverdale. But most of the time it's simply "the Bronx." That is also the address I give when I travel, when I'm talking to people in a roadhouse down South or checking in at some rural motel out West. In those places the words "Bronx, New York" almost always elicit a double take, for there is not an American alive who does not recognize them and, thanks mainly to movies and television, have a strong idea of the place they stand for. Inevitably there is a remark like: "Wow. The Bronx, huh?"

I try to be on my best behavior with these people - friendly, generous, attentive. I have found that saying I'm from the Bronx gives me a sense of almost emissarial responsibility. People from "New York" are everywhere, and people everywhere are used to them. It doesn't mean much.

But the Bronx - that is a statement. That's a friendly poke in the jaw. That snaps Wyoming moteliers wide awake late at night. That makes me a representative of two separate places I like a great deal, New York City and the underappreciated, often ridiculed borough I live in. It seems important to behave accordingly.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Oh, and, um,





Yeah, yeah, New York got two feet of snow. And has approximately 20 gazillion miles of roads, and only twelve snowplows. Yes, yes, I undersatnd.

But if I see one more concerned newscaster telling us how to dress for the snow, I'm going to vomit. Or at least throw things at the television. You don't know enough to wear a hat in 18 degree weather? Then you deserve frostbite, dumbfuck.

I'm from Buffalo, people. Two feet of snow?! An average weekend.


Saturday, January 22, 2005

2 Feet of snow in NYC? Hell, may as well blog!

Oh, Donald.

After careful and repeated viewing (I missed the first half hour of the premier, so I caught the rerun last night) I have concluded that the face of the Apprentice, one Donald Trump, is a friggin' genius.

Sure, it was kind of boring and formulaic and you just knew the PM of the Book Smarts was gonna get it, since they made cleverly tried to mislead you into believing crackpot Danny was a goner. But it was like a trainwreck - you just can't stop watching.

High points?

Street Smart: The trashy, cheap highlights in the street smart girls' hair. And the bulldog peeing on that annoying blonde.

Book Smart: The glorious gathering of self indulgent pampered whiny people. Mocking the privileged NEVER goes out of style.

I normally loathe reality shows. But the Donald? The Donald, he knows what the people love.

Eden posted this little piece o' meme, and I thought, stealing! Why not?

What color is most reflective of you?What does THAT mean? Red? I guess? But not really, since the mom-career-life isn't quite as evocative of passion and fire as it could be... Taupe? I'm stumped.

How did you get the idea for your journal name? "Serial Blogonomy", as you might have guessed, is a play on serial monogamy. Since I've spent the last decade involving myself with and scurrying away from unfortunate long term boyfriends, I found it apt. These days, though, it could probably use some revision. Those days are further and further away all the time.

What time were you born? 11:31 p.m.

What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? I'm listening to "selected Shorts" on NPR. But if I were going to chose some music, I'd probably put in Tim's limited edition Velvet Underground disc.

Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? As if.

What color underwear are you wearing? Hee hee... um, laundry colored. Take that as you will.

Do you want a baby? Nope, no sir, we've already got some, thanks. Actually, I had my tubes tied a couple of years ago.

What does your dad do for a living? He's a University librarian.

What does your mom do for a living? She was a medical transcriptionist, but I think she's made a career change to "professional wife". Yeah. Actually, I wouldn't really know - my mom's not big on communication. At least, communication with the satan's spawn known as Katie who must've accidentally crawled from her womb. Don't ask; I don't get it either.

What is your pet's name? MAX!

What color are your bedsheets? Dog hair chic. Ha! No, really, green flannel. Um, with a sprinkle of dog hair. Just a few. Seriously. I'm not as disgusting as you think I am.

What are the last 3 digits of your phone number?
Who wants to know?

What was the last concert you attended? I don't remember. Neil Young? Wait, we didn't go to that. Bar shows don't count... Seriously. I don't know. It was a long time ago, anyway. Maybe Phish? Don't laugh at me.

Who was with you? If it really WAS Phish, probably my ex-boyfriend Peter the drunken jackass. That's his real name.

What was the last movie you saw? In the theatre, Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. On DVD, Tadpole (kind of a self indulgent prep school catcher in the Rye esque Upper East Side Story, but with sex. It was better than my description makes it sound.)

Who do you dislike most at this moment? I've recently been struck with a case of renewed hatred for my old boss, Paige. I think it was brought on by my fabulous new job and the nurturing, teaching management style, which she didn't know so much about.

What food are you craving right now? Tangy mustard sauce.

Did you dream last night? No, I hardly ever dream, unless it's disturbing and bizarre.

What was the last tv show you watched? American Chopper. Tim made me do it.

What is your fave piece of jewelry? The necklace Tim got me for my birthday. It's awesome - in a bohemian kind of way. Freshwater pearls. Buddha face. Awesome.

What is to the left of you? A dog-hair encrusted futon.

What was the last thing you ate? Toasted bagel with a schmear.

Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Timmy coco puffs.

Write a song lyric that's in your head? None at the moment.

Who last imed you? My mother. I think we uninstalled the im after that.

Where is your significant other right now? Mopping the kitchen floor. After working all morning. Ha! I DO know how to pick 'em!

Do you have a crush? Not so much... unless you count Jon Stewart...

What shampoo do you use? Loreal Vive for curly hair. Yeah, it's low rent and not from a salon. Go ahead, kill me.

When was the last time you cut your hair? I trimmed the split ends a couple of weeks ago. But it's really long, so I rarely, rarely go in to get it cut.

Are you on any meds? Nada.

Do you have a mental disease? Let me count...

What shirt are you wearing? Lilac long sleeved t-shirt. Hoodie.

What time is it? 5:04 pm.

What color is your razor? turquoise and white.

What is your fave frozen treat? Iccceeee crrreeeeaaammm....

Are you sexy? Puh-leeeeaaze. Of course I'm sexy.

What's your favorite shopping store?Old Navy. Not because I like their stuff the best. Because I'm cheap, and my heart does a little flutter every time I see a sign that says "$20" next to a stack of jeans.

Are you thirsty? Um, yes, I do believe that was a twelve pack Mr. Duffy brought home before he started mopping the floor... ahem...

Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? Probably sooner rather than later. Which will amaze anyone who's known me any length of time.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

I've been remiss. I've abandoned you all.

Okay, okay, so I've been around... lurking on my own blog. And I noticed a hit explosion - and that a lot of those hits were coming from Tony, so thanks, Tony.

How do these people with fulfilling careers and family and a dog who freaks out every time you walk in the door deal with the regularity of the updating type thing? How does that happen? I'm dead when I come home, people. Dead.

Did I also mention that I'm depressed? Yes, I'm extremely depressed over one

Doug Brien

that field goal missing, making-the-Jets-lose schmuck. No, not really. Actually, I'm psyched about the Pats pounding the Steelers soon. It's the New England roots talking (remember my Red Sox phase? Thank God football is so short and sweet. Seriously.)

Also, a brand spanking new Fredonia New York native has a blog, and here it is. (Hi, Jo!)

Also also, I found out that I'm Wil Wheaton's long lost sister. And a lot of secret stuff about how people defraud New York City Social Services... but I can't tell ypu about that. But it's a lot. Hence, the dead tiredness. Okay, okay, a little -- did you know that prescription drug fraud through Medicaid is on par with actual illegal narcotics trafficing? Expensive AIDS medications and such. It's fucking amazing how much effort people put into crime - if they directed so much thought toward a legitimate career, they'd be CEO of Microsoft... or Halliburton... or, say, President. Weird.

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door
With more than a touch of geekiness

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

Thursday, January 13, 2005

34, My Ass

You Are 34 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Yes, yes, I'm old before my time. Thanks go to Jen (for the link, not the premature aging).

But the Real Age calculator says I'm 27. Go figure.

Work: 40 hours per week
Commute: 12 hours per week (and counting)
Homework with the kid: 8 hours per week
Sleep: 56 hours per week
Bill for After School Program: $350
Ordering out because nobody's inspired enough to cook: $60 per week

Getting that pretty, pretty paycheck for the first time?


Sunday, January 09, 2005

I Heart Girly Football Players

You have to love it when your team wins, even if they play like girly men.

Enjoy it 'till you hit Pittsburgh / Boston, boys.

J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets!

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Saturdays = Good

Before I begin, I just want to let Eden know that everyone is special.

Jets madness! Or not so much. I'm looking forward to seeing my team disappointingly lose their away playoff game this evening at 8:00. They were so good when they started... damn you, Chad Pennington's rotater cuff. Expect drunken disillusioned sports posts later this evening. They're saying 26-14 Chargers right now. Bleh.

Oh - but it's the weekend! And I was able to sleep past 6:30 am, which is always, ALWAYS a good thing. And I love my job. Nothing is better than having days off and actually looking forward to going back to work. And being 2 degrees from Kevin Bacon. Oh, and helping your kid set up his new Hot Wheels loop-deloop set, and playing cars all day (yes, I was THAT little girl, the one who had Hot Wheels and Star Wars toys and horribly mutilated her Barbies.) Being a parent is a great excuse to play with toys and not be accused of regressing.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


Ha! The whole Urbaniak family is totally reading my blog. Better start posting something good, eh?


Hi, I'm James Urbaniak's wife. James just told me the story of coming across your blog. (FYI he came to your site while searching for reviews of the play he's in at Lincoln Center: turns out his name and the word "rivals" appeared on the same page of your blog.) He was amused by your post and in no way took offense, but for the life of him can't recall why he would have been near 77th and Lexington that day in October. He laughed out loud as I read your apology. None needed, he says, and hello to Linus. James will be appearing in a one-man play, "Thom Pain (Based on Nothing)" starting the end of January 2005 and running through April. Okay, I'm not promising the character is entirely non-creepy, but he's not without charm.


P.S. I guess you missed his turn on L&O as the perv who set up hidden toilet cameras. My parents were proud...

I love the internets. Oh, and you should really make it to Lincoln Center to check out The Rivals, and after that, get your fine theater loving self to see Thom Pain at DR2. (Oh, and follow the link - there's a picture for those of you who have no clue whatsoever what I'm talking about. Just picture him in glasses. There you go. Now you, too, can recognize James Urbaniak, my new best friend. I'd go see the show, but I have a kid, and that makes me automatically broke. You all pick up my slack.)

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Damn You, Curtis Martin


I still have to do laundry today. It's 4:00. The Soap Opera, my beloved Laundromat down the street, is only open till 6:00 or something on Sundays. And those damned, damned Jets sucked me in.

It's soooo close.... such a good game, Jets against the Rams, currently 26-21 Jets with 7 minutes in the 4th... Yowza. Also, it's the decisive game for the playoffs. Curse you, Jets! Why must your athleticism compel me so? I need clean dress pants! DAMN YOU!

*Update - The Jets will still have a spot in the playoffs if the Bills lose against the Steelers, and with 2 minutes left on the clock out there, it looks like they might go no matter WHAT happens in the next seven minutes. Maybe I'll have clean clothes this week after all.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy 2005!

Happy New Year!

Birthdaymas/New Year's Eve steak fest at the Old Homestead radically transformed into fish & chips and Maker's Mark at One and One. This was a direct result of our realization that "Hey, old school steakhouses want a lot of money when you go there! Trendy East Village Irish pubs? Not so much!" (And Paul the bartender was probably a lot cooler than the career waiters across town, anyway.)

We also went to see The Life Aquatic, which I enjoyed, but with these disclaimers:

(1) If you like that sort of Wes Anderson, Coen brothers quirky dry comedy thing, you'll like this.
(2) (1) applies if and only if you are not such a rabid fan of Wes Anderson's that you mercilessly compare this film to his others. If you can meet both requirements, go see the film - you'll dig it.

In the tradition of parents celebrating New Year's with no babysitter everywhere, we had a few beers, let the rugrat stay up to watch the ball drop, and shuffled off to bed before 1:00 to greet the day blissfully free of New Year's Day hangover hell syndrome. Sometimes it's great to have no life.

CoffeeGirl was nice enough to share her Year in Review format with me via email. All things considered, it's been a kickass year around here. Unfortunately, most of the kicking of the ass took it's own sweet time to show up, as the first half of the year was mighty slow. Without further ado:

What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
started a business. Got really ballsy. Grew a little bit more backbone - but also learned that it's sometimes good to back down. Oh, and blogging. I have now blogged. You know, a "blogger". Like the media says all the cool kids are doing.

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions? Will you make more for 2005?
NO, I still smoke. Sometimes. But - YES! I stress less, and have also found a new and better job than the one that dissed me. Stupid asshats. And the so called "more" 2005 resolutions are, in truth, recycled resolutions from 2004, and 2003, and... well, I won't go on. It's just a little bit depressing.

What places did you visit?
Augusta and Bangor, Maine. Cape Cod, Massachusetts. The Mohonk House in New Paltz, New York. Jersey, but that doesn't count so much. My good old hometown, Fredonia, New York, and former stomping grounds in Buffalo, New York. Perhaps next year we'll do some visiting that doesn't involve relatives: imagine going where WE want to go! No way!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New job(s). My ever developing and happily maturing relationship with my main man Tim. Kiernan's ability to do homework without a three hour nag fest. Adding a family member - the Amazing Super Max!

What song will always remind you of 2004?
Cinnamon Girl by Neil Young, and perhaps a bit of Beast of Burden by the Stones. Yes, these are old songs, but they remind me of good times (see last entry)

What events merited celebration?
The new job! My God, no one can fire me unless I'm a grossly incompetent psycho - and they're even pleasant to work with! Who would have thought? Also, the new dog - sure, he ate some of Tim's good dress shoes, and our cell phone, and once stole an entire stick of butter from the kitchen counter - Oh, and the universal remote... wait a minute... stupid fucking dog. He's lucky we love him anyway.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope. However, my old friend Jen's little brother Tim and his lovely wife Dayna are expecting, and this makes me feel both vicariously joyous and terribly old.

Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, god forbid.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Making money. Luxuriating. Reading things that come in long form (i.e., not the newspaper or magazines or blogs). Being mentally and physically healthy.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Three things: smoking. Being depressed about joblessness / not doing anything to combat said joblessness. Eating crap while sitting around and being jobless.

Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
That would be Tim. And they weren't even juicy and fun conversations, simply administrative details. Barring boredom, I probably talked the most to my brother Adam.

What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Money. It's a sin.

What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory?
This is really sad, but February 20, because we got Max from the Animal Care and Control center on 110th street. Really, I couldn't think of any other important dates, but I always remember that one because it's how we keep track of super mutt's age. Yes, I'm a big dog-geek loser.

What did you want and get?
Unconditional love. Oh, and jewelry. Heh.

What did you want and not get?
Unconditional babysitting.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29 on Dec. 31 of 2003. I went out to dinner in Yonkers (Y-O, Justin Quinn!) at an Irish pub called Rory Dolan's.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Some professional advancement earlier into it.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Remarkably (given my clumsy, clumsy nature) no.

What was the best thing you bought?
The best.Jeans.Ever.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Whoa, there! That list is long! But... uh... Iowa Democratic caucus voters, for one (electability? What is this electability of which you speak?). And as in most years, the behavior of specific maternal family members was perplexing, at best, but I won't snark about that here. I save such things for late night drunken phone calls to my brother.

Where did most of your money go?
That's easy. I live in New York. Rent.

Compared to this time last year, are you...
...Happier or sadder? Immeasurably happier.
...Thinner or fatter? Measurably fatter.
...Richer or poorer? Potentially (as opposed to kinetically?) richer.

What was your favorite TV program?
I've gotta admit that I was a little hyped about the Apprentice. Stupid reality shows.

What was the best book(s) you read?
Last Exit to Brooklyn left horrible images in my head that aren't going away any time soon. Perhaps not the best recommendation, but damn effective writing.

What were your favorite films of this year?
I think my favorites are carryovers from last year. This is the fate of the broke ass parent - you don't see movies until they hit DVD and are rendered irrelevant in the annals of pop culture. That said, I eagerly await the release of I Heart Huckabees, among others; those carryovers I mentioned would include Lost in Translation and Mystic River, which never fails to reduce me to a blubbering pile of protective parenting hormones.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Musical discoveries? Those would require actually purchasing CDs or understanding how to work an iPod. Not so much this year.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Dog walker chic, aka sneaker wearing fool. That is, pseudo-college-student schlub.

Who were the best new people you met?
Tony, the doorman at 72nd and 1st. Ira and Carl, the doormen at 86th between 3rd and 2nd. Maggie, the RN with the awesome dog, Max, just like MY awesome dog Max. Michelle, the public interest law student with the two well-schooled pit bulls. Didn't I just mention that I'm a pathetic dog geek? This would be concrete proof. Oh, and I would include a lot of really cool bloggers, but I'm a stickler when it comes to actually meeting the people face to face. That's right - I said it -I don't think bloggers count as actual people until I meet them. Ha!

Did you fall in love in 2004?
Sure... and keep doing it more all the time.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I was naive enough to think the asshats at my last job were doing me a favor by letting me go on Dec. 5th of last year. Now, I know they're just asshats.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting out from under the old unemployment checks and taking the world by the cojones. Or, Upper East Side dog owners, anyway.

What was your biggest failure?
Allowing a simple thing like the loss of a really crappy job to undermine my confidence and self esteem for such a terribly long time.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
Compromise is sometimes a good thing - but not always.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
Obladi, Oblada, life goes on...